Hi {{ first_name | default: there }},
Are you still chasing fictional grades you were taught to chase at school?
School taught us some very important and useful lessons - literacy, maths, science, to name a few. But it also taught us something more dangerous. It taught us to measure ourselves through grades.
I see this firsthand at UX and Product Design bootcamps I teach. Any homework, project or even a fun game that involves grades stresses the students out. Being an instructor, my intention for the grades is to help students see their own growth more objectively. However, I realised that that’s not how some students see them. They see them as external validation. As proof of worth.
During our formative years, learning became less about curiosity and more about performance. External score equated to internal value.
Somewhere in this photo is a kid who began equating grades with worth. Outside, he was a high-achiever. Inside, he was just trying to be good.
Even though you might not be in school anymore, the school might still be in you. You might still be chasing an invisible report card with grades that look like:
Promotions
Salary bands
Client praise
Shipping perfect work
Being seen as a “thought leader” etc.
And it all boils down to one perennial question that we’re all seeking an answer to:
“Am I worthy enough yet?”
I know that question too well. It shows up in my client projects. In courses I teach. In every piece of writing I publish.
If I’m honest, one of the sticks I’m still chasing is being seen as an authority and leader in this world that blends self-awareness, creative courage and meaning for designers and tech folks who feel misaligned, lost or burnt out. There’s nothing wrong with wanting impact. But when the desire to be seen starts driving the work more than the work itself, I can feel myself slipping back into performance mode.
For a long time, I operated like a well-trained pet dog - fetching metaphorical sticks for bosses, companies and clients in exchange for a pat on the head. Approval. A glowing testimonial. A pay rise. Rewards that validated my value and existence.
I rarely paused to question why I was doing it. When you’re deeply inside a system, you forget the system driving your behaviours and beliefs even exists.
But here’s something worth remembering:
Every pet dog descends from a wild wolf.
A wolf that roamed with agency, courage and curiosity. Yes, it might not have had the comfortable life of a pet dog with its belly full all the time, cuddling on a soft warm bed in cold winter nights, but it was free - living life on its own terms. It didn’t live by a quarterly performance review. It didn’t hunt for applause.
Now, I’m not romanticising chaos. Nor am I suggesting you quit your job and disappear into the woods.
The issue isn’t comfort versus freedom.
The issue is unconscious obedience.
There’s nothing wrong with chasing a promotion.
But there’s something disorienting about not knowing why you’re chasing it.
We all still have that wild wolf within us. For some of us, the wolf might have been hibernating longer than we wanted.
So how do you reconnect with that wild wolf? If you’re feeling burnt out, misaligned or quietly restless, here’s a simple reset:
Name the stick you’re chasing and acknowledge it.
Is it status? Security? Praise? Being seen as competent?
Ask what you’d build, solve or create if no one gave you the brief.
Some of my clients become more aware of and involved in local issues that matter more to them rather than the ones “Big Tech” are solving.
Identify the fear underneath that’s stopping you.
Instability? Being judged? Falling behind? Disappointing people?
Imagine you had no fear and 10x more courage - what would you do?
Yes, it’s a hypothetical scenario. Use your “yes and” divergent thinking here.
Then scale that courage down to 5%.
What can you do, where you are, with what you have? What’s one small move this week that proves you’re choosing, not just obeying and chasing?
Block it in your calendar and do it.
It’s not wrong to chase grades.
But it is worth asking:
Are you choosing to fetch?
Or were you trained to?
From one wild wolf to another,
Nirish
PS. I’m kicking off the next cohort of UX and Product Design on the 4th March at the Berghs School of Communication. It’s fully online and part-time with one 2-hour workshop every Wednesday evening for 12 weeks, designed to fit into your busy lives. There are a few seats left. Hit reply if you’re keen to learn to design things that matter to you.
